


Try Again

by Writer_Anarchy



Series: If at first you don't succeed [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, F/F, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:40:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Anarchy/pseuds/Writer_Anarchy
Summary: Part two to the 'If at first you don't succeed' series.Set 3 years after Emma left Storybrooke Maine.Emma has returned home from college to spend some time with her family. What she didn't expect however, was to come face to face with her old english teacher/ first love.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Series: If at first you don't succeed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1432705
Comments: 99
Kudos: 219





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! 
> 
> Firstly I want to say thank you so much for your patience. I know its been so long since I originally wanted to post this.  
> I did already have the first couple chapters written but I wasn't in the headspace to continue writing and I didn't want to start this series and then not update it in forever.  
> But I'm finally back and in a good place and excited to share this with you all!
> 
> Side note: Please all look after yourselves and your mental health, it's super important!
> 
> Okay as always I hope you enjoy and please let me know your thoughts <3

Summer. It has its ups and downs. And well normally Summer is Emma’s least favorite season. Fall usually holds the top spot. But god, is summer needed this year. Emma is in desperate need of a break and an entire summer back home with her parents is exactly what she needs.

Emma is laying on the floor of her bedroom with her suitcase half-open, clothes spilling out of it onto the floor. Her hair is a mess, she's wearing her favorite pair of comfy leggings and her oversized college hoodie, bare feet and a light sheen of sweat on her face.

“Do I even want to ask?”

Lifting Emma’s attention off her current state of despair is her roommate Tink, stood in Emma’s doorway with an amused smirk on her face.

Emma met Tink on her first year of college she was Emma’s roommate of the time Wendy’s boyfriends' sister. 

Emma never really did get on with Wendy, she was a stuck up elitist bitch if you ask Emma but she did introduce her to Tink so that counts for something. Tink as all her friends call her is actually Elle, but a dress-up party mishap got her the nickname ‘Tink’ and well it stuck.

“It won't close” Emma breathed out a desperate moan one last time at her betraying suitcase lying next to her.

“Why don’t you just take some of it out?” Tink always the rational one of the pair. 

See Emma has always thought of them as the perfect Yin and Yang. Tink is the easy-going fun loving one that if something doesn't work? She just gets rid of that something. Emma, on the other hand, is the kind, loyal one who over stresses a bit too much and will try until she dies to make something work rather than give up on it. I guess that's what you get for being an unloved perfectionist for most of your life, she always had to make everything work out for the best, even the worst of situations.

“I can’t, I need it all. I just. need. this. stupid. thing. to. close”

Emma’s now laying on top of her suitcase trying to weigh it down with her body whilst she zips around her self. 

“Or you could just admit that you're not actually stressed about your luggage, you're stressing about the thought of going home”

“And why would I be stressed about that. I love my parents, I cant wait to spend the summer with them”

Tink finally looks down at Emma in pity and joins her to sit on top of Emma’s suitcase adding the extra weight needed to force the zip closed. With a shout of victory from Emma, the case is finally sealed.

“Yes, but you also haven't really spent that much time home in years. And I think you're kinda nervous about seeing everyone again”

And yeah Emma hadn't been home in a while. She does feel really bad about it, but it's normally her parents coming down to visit her and spend a few days or a week with her catching up. And, it's not that she hasn’t wanted to go home, but well its been a really crazy past couple of years. 

As well as studying full time at Yale, Emma also amazingly got published a little over a year ago now. It was one of those strange moments that you hear about in movies but that never really happens in real life. A second-year college student with no name for herself getting her first-ever book published. 

Honestly, the whole thing was so unreal to her. 

See, one of the first people Emma truly made friends with at college was August. He was in her literature and comparative cultures class and they just clicked instantly. August was a bit of an enigma at first she supposes that's what drew her to him. Everyone knew who he was by name, his father being Marco Gepetto, founder of Gepetto publications. But no one really knew anything about August other than his family name, he wasn't the most social of people. And well, neither was Emma. 

Emma had been writing ‘The Savior’ for some time but definitely didn't have any intention to send it to a publicist. It was just for her. A piece of herself for herself.

The book was centered around Emma’s alter ego ‘The Savior’ an orphan who after years of isolation finally found her real family. She had to endure tests and trials of her bravery to finally get home and find her family and live happily ever after so to speak. It was the kind of fairytale Emma always wished she could have read growing up. The kind that shows young kids that it doesn't matter where you come from or what your life has been like, there is a happy ending out there for you. Where you get to be the hero and take control of your own life and happiness. 

It took a lot of her nerves to show it to August as he was always so curious to read whatever it was that she was always writing. Finally relenting she allowed August to read the first draft, who in turn passed it on to his father. She was pretty pissed about that at first. 

But, well it's gotten her to where she is now. A 21-year-old 3rd-year ivy league college student and published writer. 

And none of it more surprising to her as just how well the book sales had gone. People were loving it. To the point where she was encouraged to write a sequel. Marco decided it would work well as a series. 

So here she was about to go home with the intention of finishing the second book in the peace and quiet of her old home town where the inspiration all began. At least that’s what Emma pitched to Marco.

Realistically, Emma just needs to get away. 

But Tink is right, she kind of is anxious about being back home. She knows everyone is so proud of her, her mom tells her all the time. They even held a book club in town so everyone would have the chance to read Emma’s book. And it’s sweet, really. But also, it’s a lot.

She just wants time for her mind to untangle slightly, but she has a feeling that won't be on the cards for her this summer. Instead, it will be filled with small-town folk wanting to know every possible thing they can about how Emma’s life has been since she graduated high school and moved off to college.

And therein itself is another aspect Emma has been dreading about being home. Reliving her senior year. A year filled with so much joy, stress, confusion, first love, and heartbreak. It's going to be quite the walk down memory lane.

It had been hard at first moving past all of it, growing up. She’s even had a few relationships within the past few years. Which she’s proud to be able to say she is fully out of the closet now, and everyone in her life was nothing but supportive. And yes even one of those relationships ended in heartbreak. But none of those women held a candle to her first love. Regina.

Emma would be lying if she said she didn't try to stalk Regina’s social media accounts after she left, trying to keep up with her life. But after a while, she realized it would never help her move on. Also, the thought of seeing Regina happily married by now was a bit too much for Emma to handle.

So yes, it took three years for Emma to even be able to talk about Regina and no if she’s entirely honest with herself, she will never probably be entirely over her. But she’s at a good place now with accepting the role Regina played in her life. It doesn't completely crush her soul to hear about Regina anymore.

Which, is good as her mother the gossip she is, is far too happy to tell Emma all about her. That in itself is another reason Emma hasn’t been home in some time. Late last year Regina moved back to Storybrooke, right next door again. She had rented out her house when she left. Emma assumes Regina always wanted to leave the option of coming back open.

She even went back to teaching but not at Storybrooke High this time. No, she’s now a lecturer at the University. 

In fact, thanks to her mother Emma knows a lot about Regina’s current life. She moved back after her father passed away, turns out the reason she left in the first place was to look after him. 

She now also has a son. Named after her father Henry. He's three. That's all Emma knows about him though. She couldn't bring herself to hear about Regina meeting the perfect man and starting a family with him, so she did manage to evade her mother mentioning anymore on that topic.

And that's where her information on Regina stops. Every time her mom would mention Regina, or that Regina had stopped by and asked how Emma was getting on at college, Emma always changed the topic. And well, eventually her mom got the hint. They don't talk about Regina anymore.

So yeah, Emma is actually pretty terrified at the thought of seeing Regina again after 3 years of nothing but the memory of walking away from her on the beach in tears.

Annoyingly Tink was right. Emma really was anxious about returning home. 

* * *

By the time Emma saw the ‘Welcome to Storybrooke’ sign, she was about ready to collapse. She did the full four and a half-hour drive in one go, no stops. She was filled with too much nervous energy.

On one hand, she can't wait to be wrapped up in her parent's arms, but on the other hand, she really just wants to go back to the safety of her bedroom back in New Haven.

It’s a bit late for that now though.

Its late afternoon by the time Emma is pulling up Mifflin street. She just wants her parents and her bed.

Emma pulls up behind her dad’s car on the drive, before dragging her aching body out of the car.

Before she even manages to shut the car door behind her she's enveloped in a bone-crushing hug by her dad, lifting her off the ground and into her arms. She might be struggling to breathe, but there is nowhere else she would rather be right now.

She wraps her own arms just as tightly around him. She's pretty embarrassed at how she can feel her eyes tearing up.

“Welcome home kiddo” David sounds just as emotional as Emma does. It really has been too long since she's been home.

MM comes out next complaining about David not sharing Emma. Emma hugs her mom next just as tight with a watery laugh.

Her mom pulls away to hold Emma’s face in her hands. 

“We’ve missed you so much”

Unable to tell her just how much she's missed them too, Emma just pulls her mom back in for another hug, wiping roughly at her eyes.

“You bring much with you?”

“Just my suitcase in the boot and my backpack”

David reaches into the back to grab her case, pulling it out with a lot more ease than Emma got it in there with, carrying it easily into the comfort of her house. Arm in arm with her mom, she follows him into the house. 

Emma doesn’t know why she was expecting it to look different when she returned home but it wasn’t. In fact, it's like it had been frozen in time, nothing had changed since she first moved out. It even smelled the exact same. It smelled like home.

After spending a good couple hours with her parents catching them up on everything they've missed lately and them in return to her, Emma finally made her way to her room to crash for the night.

Driving through town wasn't as bad as Emma thought it would be. For some reason she was expecting it to be a floodgate of emotion, she didn't even bother looking toward the beach for that specific reason. However, the chest crushing memories never came. Not until this moment, standing in the middle of her bedroom.

There were so many moments that happened in Emma's room. Moments she couldn’t forget even if she tried.

To the first time she ever spent any real time with Regina; Her Christmas party, where she spent most of the night talking to Regina on her balcony.

And the most prominent one; Prom night. With Regina standing in front of her looking at her in a way no one has ever looked at her since.

Suddenly she'd rather sleep anywhere else than here tonight. It's going to be one long-ass summer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So it's a quick update but you all deserve it considering how long you've had to wait for me to post this story.
> 
> Also to entice you in this is the first interaction between Emma and Regina in 3 years!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> As always please leave your feedback, I love hearing your thoughts and i always try to reply to everyone <3

Emma wakes up far earlier than she would have liked. She’s supposed to be on vacation of sorts, yet here she is wide awake at 6am. 

Figuring she might as well get up and make the most of the day, Emma throws on her gym clothes and goes for an early morning run.

She forgot how peaceful this town could be, especially this early. Not many people are up and about, those that are seem to be happy in their own peace.

It’s nice. Like nothing can touch her. 

It's freeing. 

Emma isn't out long, roughly forty minutes. She can go for longer normally but she just needed the air today. She arrives home to the sound of complete silence still. She forgot it was the weekend, which means her mom didn't have work and her dad tends to start later on weekends. 

Deciding it would be the perfect time to try to finish the book, Emma took off to have a quick shower, change into shorts and a comfy t-shirt and make herself a large cup of coffee as she settles herself out on the front porch swing, laptop open and ready to write.

Turns out the scenery was exactly what she needed, Emma completely lost track of time, lost in her own created world. Looking up from her laptop, Emma notices for the first time that a little kid is stood in front of her watching her work.

Thank god she wasn't feeling too jumpy today, lest she freak out and throw something at someone's kid. _Yeah, that would go down well_. 

Looking around once more to see if A) She's hallucinating and B) If there are any desperate parents out looking for a lost child.

But no, It's still dead quiet outside. 

The little boy doesn't look like he could be any older than four years old. He has short light brown hair and was quite small for his age. Well, Emma thinks he’s quite small for his age not that she has extensive knowledge on average heights of four-year-olds. But damn is he cute. He has the cheek dimples and everything. 

“Hey, Kid. You ok?”

He walks up to Emma like he's known her forever and sits beside her on the swing leaving barely any room between them. She feels like she should warn him about being this careless with strangers but she doesn't want to scare him. And besides, it's not her kid to parent.

“Whad’ya doin?”

So he’s not shy. That much Emma can determine.

“I’m writing”

The boy looks up at her like she just told him she was an astronaut. Complete wonder in his eyes.

“Like a book?”

Emma laughs at his wonder and astonished voice.

“Yeah, exactly like a book, actually”

“Wow” 

Emma has met with a lot of kids since the release of her first book, and she’s lived with a lot throughout her life in the foster system. And she’s good with kids she knows that, but this kid in particular really has Emma’s attention. There's something so endearing about him.

“Where's your parents?”

Emma doesn't really want to ruin this moment, as sad as it is to say, it’s the nicest conversation she's had in a while. But, the adult in her is pretty concerned over the random child completely unaccompanied by another adult.

“My mommy was on the phone” He says in a nonplused way with a shrug of his little shoulders.

“Does your mommy know you're out here?” The boy just looks up at her with a contemplative frown that tells Emma that no, he didn’t even think about that.

“Where do you live?” 

He points slightly to Emma’s right, and she doesn't need to turn to figure out where he is pointing as it all suddenly becomes very clear just who’s kid this is sitting next to her.

“Henry? Are you Henry?”

The little boy looks at Emma in complete wonder once again.

“You know my name?”

Of course, this child had to be Regina’s. Really if Emma hadn’t been in such a daze she could have probably figured that out for herself. 

Letting her thoughts of Regina disappear momentarily, Emma looks back down to Henry, a smile back on her face.

“Yeah Henry, I know your name. I know... Knew your mom”

Emma caught herself on her slip last minute.

“You know my mommy? Are you her friend?”

Emma wants to laugh and honestly, if it had been anyone else except this inquisitive child asking her that question, she would have. But how was he supposed to know Emma’s complicated relationship with his mom?

“Something like that. How about we get you back to her, yeah? I'm sure she’s going to be pretty worried when she can’t find you”

Emma thought Henry might be sad about her taking him home, but no, he seems to have a ridiculous amount of excitement for this early in the morning, claiming he can’t wait to show Emma to his mommy.

Emma, on the other hand, can feel her palms start to sweat, her chest pounding each step she walks closer to Henry’s door.

She goes to knock but Henry just giggles at her, grabbing her hand with his much smaller one and pulling her into his house.

Emma wants to turn around and run back to the security of her own home but Henry’s loud announcement to his mom makes that an impossible reality.

“Mommy I made a new friend”

Regina comes frantically running down the stairs, Henry assumes its because she’s excited to meet his new friend. Emma, however, knows that's the look of a frantic parent worried as to where the hell their kid had gone.

She stops short though on the last few steps as she sees Emma stood there hand in hand with her son.

“Hi” 

Three years. Three years of nothing and the last time she did see her, it was a pretty heavy moment and the only thing Emma can come up with is ‘Hi’. God, she hates her own stupidity sometimes.

Regina seems to be at a complete loss. For a minute that makes the bitchy side of Emma pretty fucking happy. It’s only fair that Regina be just as thrown through a loop as Emma is.

“Mommy, you ok?” Henry is staring up at Regina with a confused head tilt. If Emma wasn’t so distracted by Regina being a few feet in front of her for the first time in years, she might have taken the time to focus on how goddamn adorable that expression on his face is.

Regina pulls herself out of her shocked state finally, continuing down the stairs until she is stood right in front of Emma and her son.

“Emma” 

Emma is pretty sure Regina didn't mean for her name to sound that breathless coming out of her mouth. If the change of her composure is anything to go by. 

“Hi” _Goddammit, Emma, you’ve said that already._

Emma shuts her eyes in annoyance at her own lack of composure, silently giving herself a mental pep talk.

“You’re back”

It wasn’t a question. It was more of an astounded statement. Regina was looking at her with the same wonder Henry had when she told him she was writing a book. Emma really doesn't want to analyze that but she knows she’s going to spend at least the next week overthinking this entire interaction. Might as well let the self-loathing set in now.

“Yep. I’m back”

It's awkward. And she’s pretty sure she can’t be the only one thinking it.

Henry is watching them like he has no idea what’s happening. And honestly, Emma has no clue what's happening right now either so she can’t blame him.

“Emma was making a book mommy” Emma wants to correct him but she can’t bring herself to.

Regina finally looks away from Emma to her son, her expression changing to a much fonder one.

“And where did you find Emma writing this book?”

Henry at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself for running off outside without his mom’s permission.

“Outside”

“Henry, sweetheart how many times do I have to tell you, you can’t go outside without me or another adult ok? Anything could have happened to you”

Henry looked down to the floor, it was clear he was close to crying. Emma wanted to make him feel better.

“I was just with Emma, Mommy”

Regina’s eyes softened at her little boy. She knelt down until she was level with him, placing her hand gently under his chin to tilt his face up to meet her.

“I know that now. But please, can you tell me beforehand next time?”

Henry nods his head. “Promise”

_God damn this kid knows how to pull at heartstrings._

Regina seems satisfied with Henry’s answer. Emma thinks this should probably be when she leaves. She’d done what she set out to do. She delivered the kid safely to his mom.

But Regina’s eyes are on her again. And she’s frozen in place.

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” Emma wants to politely decline. Say she’s busy. It wouldn’t even be a lie, she really does need to finish this book. And, call her weak all you want, but, she hasn’t had Regina’s eyes upon her in so long and she's just left wanting. It's like she's 17 all over again.

“Sure. Coffee would be good”

Regina seems satisfied with her answer. Telling Henry to head upstairs and clean up his toys in his room. Emma wants to ask him to stay but she knows that firstly that would be undermining Regina to her son and also, it sounds pretty pathetic that she would ask a small child to stay in the room with her because she's scared to be left alone with his mom.

So instead she wordlessly follows Regina into the kitchen.

Her house is nice. Really nice, actually. 

That’s one thing Emma can’t comment on the change, as she never had seen inside Regina’s home before. Regina however, has changed slightly. Her hair has grown out a bit, it now sits nicely on her shoulders in her natural curls. 

You know when you remember someone a certain way and then see them again after a really long time and realize you remembered them different? Well, this isn’t one of those moments. No, she remembered Regina perfectly in her mind. She's just as beautiful as she remembers her being. Her eyes are still as intense as Emma remembers and that smile. Yep, it’s just all still, Regina.

Emma stands awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, she knows she probably looks ridiculous standing there near the open door as if she might need a quick escape route. And, well she might.

Regina seems to know exactly what Emma is thinking if that smile is anything to go by. She gestures to one of the bar stools for Emma to sit on. She does so, without complaint.

Regina leans against the countertop just staring at Emma. She isn’t even trying to pretend she isn't staring. She's completely unashamed in her actions. 

It’s like she’s trying to read Emma. 

Emma hates it, it reminds her of how Regina used to be able to read her like a book.

“Your mother said you were coming home. But well, I guess seeing is believing”

Emma wants to say something in return like, _why have you been talking to my mother about me?_ but that would be rude.

Instead, she just sips at the coffee Regina places in front of her. It’s a bit too hot, but Emma is willing to risk severe burns right now if it means not saying something stupid.

“How have you been?”

Emma wants to scream and laugh at the same time. As if Regina is trying to make small talk with her right now. She might as well ask how the fucking weather has been in New Haven for the past three years.

“Yeah good thanks, you?”

“Also good, thank you” Well this was completely and utterly uncomfortable. Emma wonders if she downs the cup of coffee would that be an acceptable way to leave quicker?

She hates small talk. It’s pointless. And there is far too much between them and far too much that probably should be said, to be standing here having a generic chat.

Sensing Emma was about ready to leave, Regina changes tactics.

“You look different. Good, but different” 

Emma’s not really aware of how she has changed. She grew up, that much was for sure. And her hair is different now it's not quite as long anymore, now it falls just above her breasts. The blonde of her hair looking even lighter than before.

And she’s a bit taller now. But other than that Emma always sees the same her staring back in the mirror.

“Yeah the years will do that to you I guess” It was supposed to be a joke but they're both aware of the blatant knowledge that weighs down at the fact that it’s been years missed between them.

Emma feels like she owes Regina to start a better conversation this time. It was her that made it uncomfortable again after all.

“So you're teaching at the university now?”

To say Regina looked startled at Emma’s knowledge would be an understatement. And just then Emma realizes she just revealed that she's checked up on Regina. That she’s asked about her. How else would she know that?

“I am. I thought it was about time I challenged myself further. Besides, I couldn’t bring myself to take back up my position at Storybrooke High”

Emma could ask why. But she knows why. And she knows Regina knows that Emma knows why. She blurred the lines of professionalism the last time she was there. She felt too guilty to go back.

It annoys Emma that she feels relieved to hear that. Because that tells her, that everything that happened or well didn't happen between them, wasn’t just Emma making nothing something. A figment of her imagination.

“Well, congratulations on your new position” It feels a little too mechanic to say. But what else can she say? _‘Oh you mean because of our kind of maybe thing, that left me emotionally crippled and incapable of forming lasting relationships?’_

No, they don't ever bring it out in the open, they never put words to it. Words make it real. Regina’s confession was the closest they've ever come to talking about it. And even that feels a bit too much.

Regina just watches Emma’s face as if she’s waiting for her to say something else. 

Thankfully Henry bursting into the room, saves her having to deal with staying under Regina’s gaze for too long.

“Done, mommy”

Henry comes bounding back up to Emma’s side just like he did before. This kid really has no construct of boundaries.

“Emma, do you wanna play with me” And yeah, she kind of does. But, she’s also astutely aware that her parents will be up soon and that she left her laptop outside unattended. Also, this really did give her the perfect opening to make her exit.

“I appreciate the offer. But I really should be leaving now. But another time for sure” She’s not sure why she added the last part, it probably has something to do with the disappointed look on Henry’s face.

“Promise?”

_Ugh, this kid is trying to ruin her._

Emma leans down until she is level with Henry. 

“Promise”

Henry’s face lights up with the cutest smile she's probably ever seen as he throws his arms around her neck to hug her. For such a little thing he almost knocked her over.

Emma is momentarily stunned. But she reaches her own arms gently around Henry’s back to return the hug quickly.

She can feel Regina’s eyes on her. She’s always found it weird how she knows when Regina is looking at her.

Emma pulls away from Henry's embrace, feeling a little out of her comfort zone. She offers him one last smile before turning to Regina and offering her a quick wave and a smile, but unlike the one she wore for Henry, this one didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Regina went to walk Emma to the door but Emma didn’t seem to be waiting around. She rushed out of Regina’s door, shutting it behind her before Regina could even fully leave the kitchen.

It isn’t until Emma is back in the safety of her own home, that she feels her heart rate start to slow down. She hates how Regina can still have this effect on her after all this time. 

So, she decides from this point onwards, no matter what she feels about Regina internally she will absolutely not let it show. 

She will not give this woman any more power over her. 

She already has too much.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! 
> 
> Sorry for the break but Christmas and new year were a bit hectic so I didn't really have time to update.
> 
> But, I'm back on it!!!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter and as always I look forward to hearing your thought <3

Emma has been looking forward to today. She spent the day before with her parents for the remainder of the day after the Regina incident. 

That's what she had been referring to it as in her head an ‘incident’ because it certainly wasn't a cute reunion moment.

Today though really would be. She was on her way to visit Ruby at Granny’s and Killian was driving back from New York tonight so he’d be back tomorrow too. She loves Tink and August but she's missed her friends from home.

The bell sounds above her head as she walks into Granny's. Taking a look around Emma notices a lot of people she’s never actually seen before. She guesses its good that their small town is finally expanding slightly.

She’s pulled from her musings by an obnoxious screech and arms encircling her waist. Emma doesn't need to look behind her to know who it is. 

Ruby is the exact same, even wearing the same perfume. Emma finally pulls out of her best friends' embrace to take her in. Ok, so she's changed a little, the red streaks of dye in her hair have gone for one. 

“Erm excuse me, how the fuck did you get even hotter?”

Emma wants to laugh at her. She always did love Ruby’s unfiltered mouth.

“Shut up. Rubes, seriously look at you. No more red huh?”

“What can I say? I outgrew it”

And Emma gets that, she really does. There’s a lot she’s outgrown since high school.

“For what its worth, I love the new look” Ruby just winks at her in her usual overconfident way, making Emma snort at her in response.

“So, you hungry?”

“Actually I’m going to grab something on the way out. I promised Dad I’d bring lunch to the station today”

“Coffee then? I know you won’t turn down caffeine. Even you can’t have changed that much”

She’s absolutely right. Emma’s caffeine addiction is still an issue. But she’d challenge you to try to find any writer out there that didn't heavily rely on a caffeine boost to get them through the day.

“God, yes please”

It’s nice that no matter how much time passes, somethings with certain people feel like they've never changed. It’s like they never parted ways in the first place. She knows how lucky she is to have friendships like that in her life.

Emma and Ruby fill the most part of an hour talking about everything and anything they've missed out on in each other's life. The laughter coming so easily.

“You slept with Andrew Dormant?!”

“Hey don't judge me Swan, not all your bed partners have been much to crow about. And besides, I was drunk, and he was cute”

Emma’s aware her laugh is drawing a bit too much attention to their conversation, but she can’t bring herself to care. She’s enjoying herself far too much.

“Oh, god. He was voted most likely to be found with a basement of dead bodies”

“Fun fact: he does have a basement, that's where we fucked”

Emma is finding it hard to breathe with laughing so hard.

“When they write a lifetime movie on him, I hope you get to play yourself”

“Let's face it I’d be perfect”

Ruby leaves Emma laughing after her as she puts Emma’s order in for lunch.

“You know Em maybe you should write it?”

“If I write it, I’m killing you off” Ruby’s cackle distracts Emma enough to not hear the bell signaling a new arrival. It isn’t until she feels little arms come barreling into her side and wrapping around her legs that she looks down to see Henry clung to her.

She knows that means the heels slowly approaching them belong to Regina. But she takes another minute to gather herself before looking toward her. 

_Remember, remain impassive._

So instead of focusing on Regina’s unsure smile directed at her, Emma focuses back down to the little boy excitedly hanging onto her.

“Hey, Henry”

“Hi, Emma. Hi Ruby. Do you know my friend Emma?”

Emma notices even Ruby a woman who claims children are parasites is completely taken by this kid too. No one seems safe from his charms.

“I do actually. In fact, Emma here is my best friend” Ruby says it in just as an excited tone as Henrys to her.

Henry looks up at Emma again like he's completely shocked that anyone other than him knows Emma.

“Hey Regina, do you guys want your usual today?”

Ah yes, maybe Emma has been playing it a bit too cool. She hasn't even turned to Regina yet. She feels a lot more confident when she's not looking at her, but if she ignores her that will draw more attention to Emma’s behavior as to why she’s being rude. Also, that doesn't scream ‘ _you don't bother me_ ’ no, that says the complete opposite. That says ‘ _i can't even look at you without wanting to crumble’_

So Emma acts like the grown-ass woman she is and finally addresses Regina.

“Hi Regina,” She thinks that maybe passes as impassive?

But Regina is looking at her in a scarily calculated way. Like Emma’s every thought is laid out bare on her skin for Regina to read.

Now Emma feels like panicking. 

Regina however, just smiles. Like Emma wasn’t just trying to act like she was nonexistent to her.

“Hello, Emma”

Emma tries to look around at literally anyone else as Regina has locked eyes with her again and she's trying way too hard to not let this woman see how affected she is by her.

“Emma, do you wanna eat with us?”

Ah Henry, the perfect buffer. God, she loves this kid more and more each minute she spends with him.

“That's very sweet of you Henry, but I promised that to my dad today. Raincheck?”

She really needs to stop offering out promises of her time to this kid because any time with him means time with his mother. And there will only be so much Emma can handle in front of her before she breaks.

As if proving her excuse valid, Ruby returns with Emma’s order, interrupting the weird staring game currently happening between herself and Henry’s mom.

“Thanks, Rubes. Drinks this week?”

“A thousand percent”

Emma smiles back to her friend before turning back to Henry and Regina. She’s aware that Regina hasn’t stopped looking at her once yet. 

“Bye Henry. Regina”

Emma quickly turns to leave hearing an adorable little shout of bye from Henry. Regina didn’t say anything in return. 

She guesses that's as good as she’s going to get.

* * *

Emma's thankful she was such a good kid growing up, so the only reason she has to be in a police station is to have lunch with her dad. Storybrooke is a pretty small town, not that much ever really happens here in terms of crime. There is the occasional vandalism, highschoolers tending to own a high percentage of that crime rate. But unfortunately, not everyone outgrows stupidity, as they get a fair amount of trouble from drunk college freshmen. Albeit, their crimes tend to be more on the drunken disorderly line rather than petty vandalism or theft.

Of course every now and then (although it is rare) they suffer from some major crimes. A couple of years ago there was a big child abduction rate happening. Parents were so freaked out they refused to let their kids out on the streets. Emma is proud as hell to say her dad lead the case for that and thankfully managed to reunite all kids with their parents. So yeah, Emma had a crappy childhood and never really had a dad until she turned 17 and was taken in by the Nolans, but it didn't take her long to become a daddy's girl.

Don't get her wrong she loves Mary Margaret, she's a wonderful mother. But she just has this extra-special relationship with her dad. He's the one she can geek out with over their joint love of star wars and sci-fi shows. And, more importantly, he's the one she goes to for relationship advice. 

Of course, she has never told him about Regina. She's worried he might go all protective papa bear on Regina. But she does think he had some idea that there was someone that Emma had feelings for. And, she's pretty sure he knows she suffered through her first heartbreak at 17. 

He's never admitted it outright to her, which is one of the things she loves so much about him. He's the silent all-knowing type that will wait for you to open up to him. He won't ever push.

But there was this stage before Emma moved off to college after everything happened with graduation, that he would ask her to come on patrols with him in the cruiser. Obviously he didn't need her help, she's not even entirely sure it was legal. But, hey he's the Sherrif. 

They would just drive around in silence neither saying anything, just listening to David's old Jonny cash CD's.

It would always be a day when she was feeling particularly down. She wouldn't know how to talk about her feelings or even who she could talk to about them. It's not like anyone had any idea about her feelings for Regina. So she would just let them eat at her.

But David would happen to come by on the worst days, sit beside her for hours in the car aimlessly driving around. And it would help. Not that she ever told him.

So Emma plans to make the most of her time off college, just like today and enjoy lunch with her dad.

"Hey, Emma. You looking for your old man?" Emma really likes her father's deputy Mulan. She's tough and no-nonsense, though Emma supposes you have to be if your parents name you after a Disney character.

"Hey, Deputy Fa. Yeah, he around?"

"In his office"

Emma nods her head in thanks as she makes her way to her dad's office. Sometimes she's taken away by how much he seems to have aged. Don't get her wrong they're still pretty young, but she thinks this job ages him a little more.

Sitting there behind his desk with his head nose deep into a file, squinting a little harder than should be necessary. His youth seems slightly more distant.

"Sherrif Nolan, I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time"

"Of course young lady. What appears to be the problem?"

"Well, you see my father refuses to believe his vision is deteriorating so he spends far too much of his time trying to decipher what words mean rather than getting glasses. I'm quite worried about his mental state"

"Hmm, well I see no reason for alarm. If anything I'd say your father sounds extremely cool and handsome. Glasses shmases.

Emma had been trying hard to keep up a straight face, but her dad's utter ridiculousness makes it difficult.

"Hey, kiddo. What you got there".

"Hi, dad. Well, if you got glasses you'd be able to see"

"Har har, smart ass. Now, what's in the bag?"

Emma tosses him the bag from Granny's, which he wastes no time digging into. If she didn't know they weren't biologically related already, she'd say she gets her appetite from him. It's alarmingly similar.

"So, how is Ruby?"

Emma tries not to grimace at him talking with his mouth full. Thankfully she doesn't have his table manners.

"She's good. It was nice to catch up. It was just like old times. We're going to go for drinks some point this week"

"That's good. I've always liked that girl. She's good people's"

Emma rolls her eyes in good nature at her father's appalling vocabulary.

They sit there in silence for a moment more, it's not uncomfortable by any means. But Emma feels the need to mention something that's been weighing on her.

"I met Henry yesterday. And saw him again today. He's a cute kid".

Her father looks up at Emma calculatingly and wipes a bit of sauce from the corner of his mouth before he replies.

"That he is. He's a good kid"

"Yeah"

Emma could let it lapse into silence again there is no need to keep up this line of conversation but she just needs to say something to someone.

"I saw Regina too. I mean, of course, I saw Regina. She's his mom" Emma's nervous laugh doesn't go unnoticed by her father. But then again he is the Sherrif so it probably shouldn't be a surprise. She uncomfortably clears her throat and then takes a sip of her drink when that fails to calm her.

"That she is"

David looks at his daughter softly, he can no doubt see the inner panic raging in her mind, but as always he doesn't call her out on it.

"She looked good. I mean, not good good. But good like well. Of health. Not that she doesn't look good good too. Obviously, I mean I'm not blind"

_ Oh, good lord, someone stop me. _

"No, you certainly are not"

"Erm, haha yeah anyway. Just thought I'd mention I saw her. And Henry obviously"

"And how was she? Other than looking good of course?"

David's little smirk makes Emma feel even more nervous.

_ Is this how his perps feel? _

"Yeah she was good" Right about now she could faceplant on the table and it would be less embarrassing than this. Side note, if she never hears the word 'Good' again, it will be too soon.

"Well, that's _good_ , then" Emma knows he's making fun of her but she also really can't blame him, not when she acts like this much of an idiot. She's an easy target.

Thankfully he decides to be merciful and give her an out to this painful exchange.

"You seen your mom yet today?"

"No, she was already at work by the time I got up today. Why?"

"The Barrettes are throwing yet another party this weekend, and your mother is making us attend"

"Ugh, what is it for this time? Did they buy a new slow cooker and want to celebrate it?"

Thankfully her dad appreciates her sense of humor.

"That would be slightly more of an interesting reason, to be honest. Apparently, they've added a new extension onto the house and want to show it off to everyone"

They both simultaneously roll their eyes. 

_ Rich people are ridiculous. _

"Can't wait" The sarcastic note to Emma's voice is not missed by her father if his smirk is to go by.

"Well I don't know how interesting their new extension will be, but the entire street is going. So you know at least you'd have something _good_ to look at"

Emma knows he's joking about something but she's just not getting it. She tilts her head at her dad slightly in confusion.

"Well that is if Regina plans ongoing, of course"

_ Oh my fucking god. _

"I hate you"

David doesn't seem all that upset at his only child's apparent hatred if anything he seems entirely too entertained.

"Love you too kiddo. Love you too"

Ok, so maybe he isn't letting their earlier conversation go just yet. 

Ugh, this weekend is going to be rough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler for next chapter, there is another Regina and Emma alone in a maze scene ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, as promised another Regina and Emma alone in a maze scene :)  
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter, and as always please let me know what you think <3

For days Mary Margaret has rattled on in excitement over the upcoming party.

Emma tries to smile along with her mom’s excitement but she can't. No, because she remembers the last party she went to at the Barrettes. Or well she remembers the hours she spent sat with Regina in a secluded maze. And well that's not exactly the thoughts she wants to be entertaining right now but what can she say _‘Sorry, I don't want to go and risk being alone with Regina again as I might lose all self-control around her and completely embarrass our family?’_

No instead she would just stay with people at all times. That way she can never risk being alone around Regina again.

So that's how Emma is now stood with her parents about to walk into her neighbor's house. 

She dressed up, she's pretty sure it's required. Though she admits she did put probably more effort in than necessary. She’s wearing a light blue summer dress, it’s tight to her torso, hugging her perfectly around the waist and then box pleated on the skirt. It has a slit on the right side of her leg and paired with a small pair of white chunky heels. She looks nice but maybe too nice. Which means her plan of not being noticed is off to a terrible start. 

It feels like everyone is bombarding her. She barely gets a response out to one question before she gets fired with another.

It's way too much. She can feel the panic rising up inside her. She hasn’t had an anxiety attack for a while but she knows the signs. 

It’s getting harder to breathe.

She has no idea where her parents are and everything is starting to lose focus. She’s only minutely aware of someone grabbing her by the hand and making an excuse on their parting out of the crowd.

It takes her a minute to focus again. To breathe.

When she does she knows exactly where she is. 

She’s right back at the bench. The one she first got lost at three years ago.

That draws her attention to the person to her left looking at her with concern on her face but kind eyes.

She's not sure if this is better than having a panic attack in front of a room filled with people or not to be honest. Her main agenda tonight was not be left alone with Regina. Yet here she is standing in front of said woman who just rescued her without Emma even needing to ask. And she just wants to hug her.

Fuck feelings.

She doesn't though. Thankfully she has slightly more self-control than that.

“Are you ok?”

“No. Yes” Emma offers a weak smile. She knows she's still a bit shaky.

Regina just walks to the bench and sits down. Letting Emma set the pace between them.

She hates how drawn to Regina she is, that’s the thought running through her mind as she sits next to her.

But Regina never says anything else about it. She just sits there in complete silence. Emma’s not sure if its because she has nothing to say or because she doesn’t want to push her.

But Emma hates this. She hates the awkwardness. 

She hates that she doesn't know how to act around Regina anymore. This woman literally just saved her and is now being far too understanding and patient and suddenly Emma can’t remember why she was even trying to be distant with her in the first place.

She wants the comfort she used to have with Regina back. She wants their familiarity back. That's probably what possesses her to say what she does.

“Are you a fan of gardens?”

And yes she remembers their ridiculous conversation three years prior with complete accuracy.

Thankfully so does Regina. Her burst of laughter a welcome distraction from the quiet. 

_God, I’ve missed that laugh._

“I'm never going to live that down am I?” Regina tries to look embarrassed but mainly she just looks elated. 

“I honestly don't know why you’d want to. It’s by far one of my favorite inquiries to date”

Emma’s missed this. The light banter back and forth. How easy it used to come to them.

And Regina’s smile makes it all worthwhile. She looks just as happy to fall back into their old routine as Emma does.

“I’ve missed this. Parties aren’t nearly as much fun to sneak away from without you”. She’s not sure if Regina was trying to go for light humor but it came across way too honest.

Yet the sincerity on her face tells her she’s not embarrassed by her confession.

“Yeah me too”

They fall back into a comfortable silence again. It only occurs to Emma now that someone seems to be missing.

“Where’s Henry?”

“He’s at a sleepover”. Regina looks sad at the thought of an empty house tonight.

Emma blames the comfort of this solitude giving her the confidence she needs to ask the questions she's wondered all these years.

“What about his father?” Yes, she’s aware that there is no casual way to ask another person if they are in a relationship, but she doesn't have a wedding ring, and well Emma is curious.

Regina just looks back to Emma in her usually calculated way. Like she knows exactly what Emma is trying to ask her.

“He doesn't have one. Well, not one I know of anyway. I adopted him.” Emma hadn't known that. Though she can’t blame her mom on never getting that far with her gossip, Emma didn't really allow her to talk about it much.

Its strange to Emma how much it affects her to hear about other kids being wanted. It makes her happy in a way she can't describe that they won’t have to know the life some kids do. The one she did.

“Henry is a really lucky kid”

Regina’s smile in return makes that comment alone worth it.

Emma really doesn't want to ask her next question as she knows it will show her cards too early but she's wanted to know for too long.

“You never married?”

Regina just shakes her head in return. Watching to see if Emma will ask her anymore on it.

“What about the lawyer?”

Now Regina is smiling a bit too knowingly and yes Emma is aware that she’s just outed herself for checking up on Regina over the years.

“Miss Swan, have you been stalking me?”

Emma hates how Regina has the upper hand again.

“I may have possibly checked your social media once or twice over the years. Maybe”

Regina looks far too smug at that knowledge.

“Well, It’s nice to know you didn’t completely forget about me” 

“I could never forget you” And boy was that way too honest and way too deep of a conversation to be having. She hates that shit like this slips out of her mouth whenever she's with Regina.

But it does seem like she has the upper hand again in their never-ending game. Regina looks taken aback like she doesn't know how to respond.

In fact, Regina has gone incredibly still. And if Emma didn’t know any better she would think Regina was looking at her breasts?

But no with a daunting realization Emma sees what Regina is looking at. Her necklace.

The exact necklace that Regina bought for Emma on her graduation. Emma never did tell her parents who gave it to her. And despite what her feelings about Regina were over the years, she has never taken the necklace off. Not even for a day.

And any upper hand she did just acquire has gone, just like that.

Now its Emma’s turn to feel unsure of herself.

Regina doesn't seem to care much about personal boundaries anymore _probably where Henry gets it from_ as she leans over, her fingers tracing the swan pendant hanging around Emma’s neck.

Emma momentarily stops breathing. She can't remember the last time Regina really touched her.

Regina looks back up to meet Emma in the eye, whilst keeping her hand still placed against Emma’s chest.

She knows with complete certainty that she's either going to cry or kiss Regina right now. And she honestly doesn't know which one of those will be worst.

Emma’s aware her phone is ringing. But she can't move. Hell, she can't breathe right now.

Regina, however, seems to be slightly more in control than Emma is. She reaches for Emma’s phone out of her hand. Her fingers brushing against Emma’s as she pulls the phone loose.

“You should probably answer that”

“Yeah. Probably” But she doesn’t. 

She couldn't give a flying fuck who it is right now. The whole place could be burning down around her and still, no fucks could be given.

But the phone won't stop. 

She’s going to kill whoever it is.

Regina looks down at the offending phone once more, her face turning to one not impressed as she finally leans back away from Emma.

Emma wants to ask what the hell just happened and why has it stopped. But she too is drawn down to her phone. A picture of Tink flashing up on Emma’s screen.

_Wait, is Regina jealous?_

Emma silently apologizes to Regina as she answers her phone. Pissed off doesn’t begin to describe how she feels right now as she watches Regina silently walk back to the party without so much as a goodbye.

_Tink better have the best fucking excuse._

* * *

Two days. That's all its been since Emma had Regina’s face barely an inch from her own.

Two days of complete torture thinking about the possibilities of the what-ifs.

Turns out Tink was drunk and couldn't find the spare key. 

That was it. Emma’s perfect moment was ruined over the loss of a spare fucking key.

So yeah Emma’s been pretty bitter the past couple days. But she has to pull herself out of that funk tonight because she promised her friends drinks. Killian is back from New York and he's brought his girlfriend with him to meet everyone. So she couldn't blow it off. Not that she’d want to really. She's pretty sure getting blind drunk is exactly what she needs tonight.

And she was right. This is the most fun she’s had in so long. She should probably slow down on the shots so she doesn't end her night with her head stuck down a toilet. But it’s helping her to forget. And she really needs to forget right now.

“Well, what do you think of Milah?”

Killian comes sliding up beside her at the bar, joining her for another drink. 

“I think, I don't know how you managed to punch so far above your weight” 

Killian shoves Emma jokingly but he honestly doesn't disagree. He truly believes Milah really is out of his league. She was beautiful, extremely intelligent and rich. But for some reason she likes him.

“I know. I'm so fucking lucky”

Emma knows that self-destructive voice in the back of your head telling you you're not worth it, she would recognize it anywhere.

“Hey! She’s pretty damn lucky too, Jones”

Killian pulls Emma tight against his side an arm slung over her shoulder as he guides them back to their group. 

And it's easy, the whole night. Just drinks, dancing and laughing with her friends. 

It was pretty close to perfect.

……………………….

The next day, however, was far from it. Emma woke up, her head pounding. The sun was streaming through her windows,too drunk the previous night to remember to close her blinds.

Rolling onto her back Emma notices that she's still wearing her clothes from last night. Thankfully she at least took her boots off.

She feels disgusting. 

Emma waits a few minutes longer for the room to stop spinning, before dragging her half-dead self into the shower to wash last night's shame off of her.

She makes it out of the shower after spending slightly longer than necessary in it and picks up her phone off the floor. It astounds her that she can't be bothered to undress herself when drunk but she can manage to plug her phone in to charge.

She squints at the too-bright screen alerting her that all her friends are at Granny’s waiting for her to get her ass there and meet them for breakfast.

Fuck.

She throws on a pair of shorts and an oversized sweater. It wasn’t too warm yet, she could get away with it. Besides, it's all she could stomach throwing on. She quickly dries off the excess moisture out of her hair. It's already starting to dry in her natural waves and makes a dash for the door. 

She decided driving was out of the question, she’s sure she’s still way over the limit.

Which was probably good, because the fresh air helped her to feel twenty percent less likely to throw up. So that's a win.

Before she even makes it all the way through the door of Grannys she's greeted by loud applause and whistles from her friends. Which firstly let me tell you when you're hanging that's the last thing you need. And also it now means that every eye in the diner is on her. And with a quick assessment of those staring back at her, she is very aware of one Regina Mills sat watching her. 

_ Because, of fucking course she'd be here today. _

“Ugh, god. Please make it stop” Her friends are all too happy to laugh at her misery. She makes her way to join them at their table but Henry makes it toward her first.

“Emma!” Jeez, she's feeling popular today. But god, can she not handle this. 

Emma winces at the excited boy's screech and him barreling himself into her body.

She tries her hardest to wrap her arm around him and fight off sudden nausea. Not like that's actually helping.

She can hear Killian snickering at her as if he knows what she's thinking.

“Hey kid” It came out like she was in pain. And, well, she is. So that's fair enough.

“Emma are you ok?” 

She considers nodding her head but she's pretty sure the motion of it might finally push her over the edge.

“uh-huh”

“You don't look ok”

“Henry, why don’t you give Emma a bit of space?”

If this wasn't the first time she had heard from Regina since the party she might be feeling a little more grateful toward her for her help. But as it stands, she doesn't have much gratitude to go around right now.

She offers what she hopes is a somewhat polite smile toward Regina, though it probably looks strained. It’s only when she does look at the table Henry ran off to that she notices a blonde sitting at the same booth. Emma hates that her first reaction is anger. 

Deciding she's really not in any fit state to deal with any emotions right now, she slumps herself down at the table with her friends without excusing herself. Fuck manners right now. Her head pounding down on the table as she mutters an ‘I hate you all’ to her group.

Killian pulls her toward him for a comforting side hug whilst Ruby is still busy laughing at her.

“Feeling a bit rough?”

“More like death” 

They're all enjoying this far too much. 

“Well, you were going at it pretty hard last night”

“Em, I mean it when I say this, I Love you. I especially love drunk you, she's a wreck”

Emma wants to throw something at Ruby but any form of a retort requires more energy than she has.

“Do you remember much about last night?” Milah’s question makes her look up in concern. When someone asks you if you remember the night before that's usually a clear sign that you did something extremely stupid.

“Oh, god. What did I do?”

"Nothing bad" Milah bless her heart tries to make Emma feel better.

"No you just interrupted a young couple on a date and told them to get out now whilst they still can. And then rattled on to them how heartbreak will destroy you, so why even bother to date. Then you pulled up a seat, clearly uninvited which was hilarious by the way, the poor kids looked so uncomfortable. And you proceeded to tell them basically fuck feelings. It was a train wreck. But my god was it a masterpiece of a trainwreck" 

Trust Ruby to enjoy Emma's humiliation far too much.

"Oh my god. Please tell me you're joking? Why didn't you stop me?"

"We tried" 

"Well Killian and Milah did, I just sat back and watched"

"You're such an asshole Rubes. Oh god, those kids must be traumatized" 

Emma slams her head back down onto the table in embarrassment.

_I'm never drinking again._

"Cheer up Swan. It wasn't too bad. I mean it could have been worse"

And yes she supposes it could have been worse. _Could have been fucking better too though._

She faintly hears Regina usher Henry outside with the blonde though she doesn't catch her name. It's probably best this way. 

Emma and Regina seem to be in a constant state of a back and forth game, where there are underlining meanings and feelings being hurt but no one ever voices it, they just ignore it. She may not be a psych major but even she knows it's not healthy.

Maybe it's time she just accepts that. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, so I've done a double update again. Consider it a Happy New Year gift.
> 
> If I were going to title this chapter it would be 'Turning Tables'.
> 
> I will leave you to read it and figure out why.
> 
> As always I hope you enjoy and tell me your thoughts <3

Moving on from a break up is hard. But moving on from the love of your life who never knew they were the love of your life as you never had a relationship is practically impossible. Emma got so desperate she googled self-help advice. 

This is what she got:

1) Grieve the end of your relationship

2) Surround yourself with good people

3) Don’t dwell on the could haves, should haves, and would haves

4) Write a letter to your Ex

5) Analyze the part you played in the breakdown of the relationship

6) Limit your sadness and move on

Ok well, the grieving part she’s got down, she’s sure she’s cried plenty over Regina throughout the years. Surrounding with good people; she’s got that too. The trying not to dwell one, that one hits the hardest. All she can do is dwell on the possibilities she could have had.

Write a letter to your Ex. Now obviously Regina isn’t Emma’s Ex as they never dated or did anything technically really. But after a lot of debating the tragic depressive nature of this task, she decided to do it anyway.

** Dear Regina, **

** I’m trying to understand my own thoughts at the minute and was told to write them in a letter so here goes. **

** I’ve never had much of anything throughout my life, I never had the home I would feel happy to come back to when school finished, or the loving family to wake me up with breakfast in the morning. I never even really had any friends growing up. When you have that kind of childhood, that kind of life, you really learn to appreciate the things you do have. And you crave all the things you never had. **

** So when I moved to Storybrooke it was like my very own fairytale. All of a sudden I had a loving home and a nice town to grow in, and friends. But I suppose one thing I never really had was someone to love. I didn't really have any experience with relationships or truly understand what I wanted. Until you walked into room 108. I was enthralled by you. The way you'd talk so passionately about literature. The way you could command a room. The way you smiled and laughed. Everything about you drew me in. Until I was so far in I had no way of getting out. **

** Suddenly my days consisted of wanting to see you, even just a glimpse. As seeing you would make my day that much better. I wanted to be the one to make you laugh. I wanted to impress you. **

** But I would become a mess every time you were around. Until that Christmas party sat out on my balcony. That was one of the best days of my life. I got to see you in a way I never had before, and I let you see me the way I never let anyone else. I felt a connection. And I often thought you felt it too. I'm beginning to think that was just wishful thinking. **

** I mean there were definitely moments, I can’t deny that. Sitting in your car in the pouring rain for one. The summer party lost in a maze. Prom night, when I swear I couldn’t breathe. And on my graduation night when you told me you were leaving. Those are moments that have haunted me ever since. **

** But I now realize maybe you never saw them the way I did. You never felt the same spark I did. **

** I guess it’s better I figure it out now so I can finally move past it. **

** I had never loved someone until you. And maybe I will or won't ever love someone again the way I loved you. But either way, I will always be grateful for the role you played in my life because it made me who I am. **

** Thank you for teaching me what it means to love someone. **

** Yours, **

** Emma Swan. **

With a heavy heart, Emma folds up the letter and places it in her bedside cabinet. She doesn't intend for Regina to ever read it. That wasn’t the purpose of the task. It's just meant to be a way for you to say the things you could never say and move on. And oddly enough she does kind of feel better. Maybe this is the limiting sadness and moving on part finally.

God, she hopes so.

* * *

Ever since she tried the stages of moving on, she has felt slightly better about her situation with Regina. Don't get her wrong she still can’t breathe when she sees her. And finds her mind wandering to her all the time. But she also manages to act slightly more normal in Regina’s presence now than before.

When she bumped into Regina and Henry last week in Granny’s she did the normal pleasantries even managed to smile directly at Regina whilst making eye contact. And mainly talked to henry as he told her in complete excitement about his favorite books. Hers being surprising high on his list. She wasn’t sure how to feel about the thought of Regina sitting there at night reading Henry the book Emma wrote as a bedtime story. But, she didn’t share that thought with Henry. Instead promised to read him her new book soon as she finally finished the last chapter. And who better to test it than her apparent biggest fan?

Regina for the most part of their encounter stood to the side letting Emma and Henry have their moment whilst she watched. If Emma thought she looked slightly disappointed by their lack of exchange well she decided to push that to the back of her mind.

Then the other day Emma bumped into Regina in the supermarket with her mom. MM and Regina had a general chit chat whilst Emma politely joined in every now and then until she got a phone call from August so she excused herself. Again she felt Regina’s eyes on her as she left the shop, but she didn't pay it any mind.

It's been this way for weeks now.

All in all, Emma sees it as progress. 

So today happens to be a major step back in terms of emotions.

Walking into Granny’s today for lunch with Ruby, Emma didn't expect to run into Regina, henry and the blonde she’s seen around with Regina a few times.

“Emma!”

“Hey Hen”

That's another thing that's changed recently, Emma isn't as awkward around Henry’s affection anymore. In fact, she finds herself loving the little boy's adoration. She scoops him up into her arms in their normal greeting lately as he wraps his arms around her neck.

Emma walks over to Regina and her blonde companion with Henry still tightly wrapped up in her arms. The kid sure is a clinger.

“Hi Regina” 

“Hello, Emma” Regina takes a moment to observe her son in Emma’s arm, a fond smile on her face. Katherine’s clearing of throat drawing her out of her thoughts.

“Oh yes, sorry. Emma this is Katherine a long-time friend of mine. Katrine this is Emma Swan. David and Mary Margarets daughter”

Regina technically didn't need to include the information about Katherine being her friend something said friend definitely picked up on.

“Nice to meet you, Katherine”

“Likewise Emma. I’ve heard an awful lot about you, it’s nice to finally put a face to the name”

“All good things I hope”

“You have no idea”

Deciding not to retort to Katherine's comment, Emma smiles slightly uncomfortably under the scrutiny of Regina’s friend and places Henry back onto his own feet. Hoping to excuse herself and join Ruby in the corner.

“Tell me, Emma, do you have plans tonight?”

Regina shoots Katherine a look Emma hasn’t seen since her Evil queen days.

“Erm no. Can't say I do. Why?”

“No reason to worry yourself over Emma. Katherine leave it”

Her friend, however, pays no mind to Regina. Emma has to respect her for not being intimidated in the slightest by the murderous look on Regina’s face.

“Well you see tonight we’re supposed to attend a work charity event. But Henry’s babysitter has canceled last minute. And well he’s clearly so fond of you. I thought perhaps you might be available?”

“Katherine!”

“Yay Emma! You can play with me tonight and read me a bedtime story”

If Emma had any chance of saying no before, she sure as hell doesn’t now.

“Really Emma it’s fine. Katherine shouldn't have said anything. I’m sorry”

“No. Honestly I don't mind. I’m happy to watch Henry if you're comfortable with it?”

“Of course she is” Katherine again interrupts her friends' response.

“Are you sure? I really don't want you to feel pressured into it”

“Regina, truly it’s fine. I’m always happy to spend time with my favorite guy”

Emma offers Henry a wink, to which his adorable giggle in response is enough to melt anyone's heart.

“Please mommy? pleaseeeeee?”

“Alright, if you honestly are happy to. Then I would very much appreciate it”

“Of course. What time should I come over?”

“Would 6pm be alright?”

“That’s fine. Well, I will see you tonight then” 

With a final wave to the trio, Emma walks over to her own friend wondering what the hell she just got herself into.

…………………………

Emma hates that she feels so nervous right now. She’s only going over to babysit Henry, Regina won’t even be there for most of it. Yet the way her palms are sweating and heart racing you’d think she was about to go on their first date.

_Pull yourself together, Swan. We’ve talked about this._

Emma takes another calming breath before knocking on the door gently.

It swings open barely a minute later with Henry’s tiny form jumping up into her arms. She laughs at the kids ball of energy.

“Henry Mills what have we talked about you opening that door?”

“Not to unless you are with me” 

“Exactly. Please try to remember that”

Whilst Regina takes the moment to instill her safety rules on her son, Emma takes the moment to take in Regina. She's dressed in a deep burgundy halter neck dress that lands just below her knees, and black heels to match her bag. Her make up is sultry, deep red lips and dark eyes, with her hair, pulled back into an elegant style. If Emma found it hard to breathe around Regina before, now is damn near impossible. She looks stunning.

Emma releases a sulking Henry to the floor so he can go change in his PJ’s leaving her alone with Regina in the foyer.

“Hello, Emma. Sorry about that”

“It’s not a problem”

“You look beautiful”

Emma has never been this bold or brave in front of Regina ever before, but she truly does look beautiful and she should know it.

“Thank you”

_Is Regina Mills blushing?_

“Um, come in, please. You can hang your jacket there if you like”

Emma smiles in response dutifully taking off her jacket and shoes. Leaving her in grey/ blue ripped skinny jeans, a white camisole top, and sponge bob socks. 

Regina spots her socks and smiles indulgently at them but never comments.

She gets a mild sense of Deja Vu following Regina into her kitchen, though hopefully, this time will be less awkward.

“Would you like anything to drink? Coffee?”

“Coffee would be great thanks”

Regina sets to her task, Emma notices her taking slightly longer than it should take to make a cup of coffee but it’s not like she can say anything about it.

“So Henry is just getting ready for bed now, he’s already eaten. But if you could get him to have some more juice before bed that would be great. His bedtime is 7:30pm so he’s free to watch TV until then but then all electronic devices need to be off. He likes a story before bed and sometimes he likes a glass of milk to take to bed. I’ve written down my number here, if you have any problems or questions please don’t hesitate to ask me. I think that's everything”

“Ok, got it. Thanks”

It’s strange to Emma that fifteen minutes ago she was shitting herself at the thought of stepping into this house and now she's the picture of calm whereas Regina seems like a nervous mess.

“Ready mommy”

Regina turns her attention to her son once more, nervously smoothing down his hair and planting a kiss to his forehead.

“Be good my little prince”

“I will mommy. Pwomise”

Henry bounds over to Emma again in excitement leaving his mom to grab her coat. 

“Thank you for this once again Emma”

“Not a problem. Have a good night”

“Thank you”

When Regina finally does make her exit it finally hits Emma that she's all alone looking after someone else kid. She grew up in a lot of different homes so she has plenty of experience with kids but she never did any babysitting per se. She hopes she's not out of her league.

Turns out Emma had absolutely nothing to worry about. Henry is such an easy kid to look after. He doesn’t act up or make a mess. He gave Emma a tour of the house, then introduced her to all of his toys. Then they watched toy story together and then she read him the second Savior book like she promised she would. Or well she read him the first twelve pages before he fell asleep. 

She tucked the cover up to his chin, placing a kiss on his head before she places away his toys he left out in his room. 

She decides to pass time until Regina returns to wash up the things Henry used and to clean up the limited mess they did make before finally settling down on the kitchen bar stool and pulling out her laptop to work on her summer project for college.

About an hour more passes before she hears the signature sound of the lock turning and Regina’s heels on the floor. 

“Hi, how was your night?”

“Honestly? Boring. I couldn't wait to leave. In the end, I faked a stomach ache to come home”

Emma never would have thought the prestigious Regina Mills would fake an illness to escape a work event. 

“Well now I feel jealous that I never went into academics”

Regina smirks at a bit of the old Emma coming through.

“You have truly missed out”

“I can tell”

“How was Henry?”

“The perfect company. You raised one pretty great kid”

Regina tries to hide her smile as she bends to take off her heels. When she finally steps out of them she notices a very amused Emma Swan looking at her.

“What?”

“Nothing. I just never realized how small you were before”

“We can't all be ridiculously long-legged Miss Swan”

Emma’s not sure if it's her long-legged comment or referring to her as she once did in school that makes it all the more hilarious but she’s finding it difficult to hold in her snort of laughter.

Regina’s mood, however, seems to have sobered up. Emma can tell there is something on Regina’s mind.

“What's wrong?”

“Actually I kind of wanted to ask that question myself”

Realizing Emma isn’t following her at all, Regina steadies herself to explain.

“Lately things have seemed different. You seemed off with me perhaps. I guess I wondered what I had done?”

For some reason, Emma hadn't foreseen a situation where Regina would call her out on their change in dynamic. Honestly, she wasn’t even sure Regina would notice the change. Turns out it had been playing heavily on her mind.

“You didn't do anything wrong”

“Then why?”

Emma closes down her laptop and tucks her hair behind her ear. A strategy for buying her more time.

“I don’t have an answer for you that you will like”

“Then how about an honest answer?”

“You don’t want me to be honest with you Regina”

Regina takes a deliberate step toward Emma until she's cornered by the kitchen counter. Effectively trapping her body between her own.

“Maybe that's exactly what I want from you”

Emma can feel her heart racing, she feels like it's going to burst through her ribcage at any moment. She is overcome by her senses of Regina. The smell of her perfume, the feel of her body heat, the sound of her breath mixing with her own. The only thing missing is the taste of her. But she’s so close.

She could give in now, she's wanted this for years after all. But for once she feels in control of this game of theirs, and she doesn't want to lose that. 

“I don’t think you know what you want from me, and I can’t afford to let you figure it out”

With that Emma grabs her bag leaving a very flummoxed Regina in her wake as she exits the Mills house.

She knows she probably gave up her only chance of kissing Regina Mills. But she feels damn good about taking back her control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, can you believe I nearly finally gave you a first kiss? 
> 
> For all of you that might be hating me right now, I will just say... Next chapter is going to be a lot of fun :)


End file.
